Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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