my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
