She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
