Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
well you can't waste a boner
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
