R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
