Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
