Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
