me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
