the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
