if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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