I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
