How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
