she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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