You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
