he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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