Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
