you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Randomize
