I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
