I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
