im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
