Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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