It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
