I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
