He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
