i just google imaged poop.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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