I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
