we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
