through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
