just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
