i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Bring me that man meat
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
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