I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
