Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
