FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
