Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
