So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
