i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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