its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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