This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
