I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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