I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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