dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
