i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
