In the future we'll all be gay
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
