Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
