Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We're too hungover to prance.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
