remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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