i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
