My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
