Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
