Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
